Join the Party and Get Happy!

Happy March!  Spring is right around the corner…I can feel it!  Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but either way it is a new month, a fresh start, and a clean slate.  If you’ve taken class with me, you know I LOVE fresh starts. I talk about how you can start your day over at any moment all the time.  In fact, every moment is a fresh start.

But lately, I haven’t been taking my own advice.  I’ve found it harder to bounce back from setbacks, unwanted surprises, and the busyness of life. I’ve found it challenging to always find the hope in a new day. But after some reflection,  I’m pretty sure I know why.  And this month I’m on a mission to stop it and I dare you to join me.   I’m on a quest to STOP COMPLAINING!

The last few months I’ve fallen into the life is hard and if only trap.  You know what I’m talking about. The “if only I had more time,” “if only I didn’t have to work so much,” “if only I made more money,” “if only I had a boyfriend/husband!”  I’m always preaching NOT to do this, and yet I’m spiraling down this drain of negativity! Do you ever have this problem?  AND, I’ve been complaining WAY too much, even about little things like the weather (It has been a tough winter though, right?!?)  But how does complaining about something serve me?  It doesn’t!

What we give attention to grows.  So if we constantly focus on what’s wrong, we are only going to get more of it.  But if we focus on what’s right in our lives, what makes us happy, and what we are grateful for, we tend to receive more of that positive abundance.   And by focusing more on what makes us happy and content, we are more apt to take ACTION to get there.  And action is key!

So this month I’m challenging myself to not publicly complain about ANYTHING–not the weather, not my personal problems, not work issues…NOTHING.  Now I’m not saying if there is a life event or situation that I need help with I won’t lean on friends and family for support.  But it’s different asking for help and complaining about life.

It’s not going to be easy and I’m sure I will slip up,  but it’s important challenge for me to take and I hope you will hop on the bandwagon with me.  Let’s see what happens when we stop complaining and start living!  Let’s take action and make March an awesome month!

Life is hard.  Life is bumpy… more like tumultuous! It hits you in the gut when you least expect it.  But at the same time, life is beautiful.  Life is hope. Life is magic. Life is a wise teacher. Life gives us daily gifts, even in the rockiest times. I wrote a blog a while back about my three “go to” words and I wanted to pull them out again as we start accelerating into 2014: Perception, choice, and attitude. These words are how I deal with the wild roller coaster of  life and what keeps me grounded and somewhat sane in times when I just want to scream and shout: WHY?!?!?  REALLY LIFE, REALLY?!?!

I am sure many of us have already faced disappointments, struggles, and hardships this year, even just two weeks in.  And if you haven’t, you probably will at some point in 2014.  Right now, you’re probably thinking, “Wow, Lindi, way to be a Debbie Downer!”  I know, I know…BUT there is a method to my madness!   By starting the year knowing that we have the tools to deal with the pain that will pop-up in our path, we can find light in even the darkest of places.  I often say to clients, instead of thinking, “Oh my god it’s burning!”  (insert negative, death voice here), think “Oh my god it’s burning!”  (insert happy, positive, excited voice here!) It’s about perception.  I tell my clients to get excited about the burn, because the more something challenges you, the more it changes you.  Now, trust me, I know this is easier said than done, especially when it comes to life outside DMF.

Things happen that are out of our control.  BUT, what we CAN control is how we CHOOSE to react and PERCEIVE these events and our ATTITUDE going forward.  By adopting an attitude of life is happening for us, rather than to us, we can make sense out of tough situations.  This idea has literally SAVED me the last few years, and continues to save me daily! Any situation, relationship, event, or moment that is challenging me or causing me pain, I look at as a teacher.  I ask myself, “What am I supposed to gain and learn from this?”   This doesn’t always come naturally and I often have to force myself to ask myself these questions, but I promise you it is worth a try.  It allows me to surrender to the situation and ultimately rebuild my hope for the good that is yet to come.  It’s much easier to fall into the “blame game” route as I call it.  This blame and victimization route is SO prevalent in our society.  We are constantly putting our problems on someone else: If only my boss wasn’t so controlling…If only my partner cared more…If only there wasn’t so much competition in by business…if only my co-worker wasn’t such an idiot…If only I had more money… If only I lived in a better neighborhood… If only I didn’t inherit my dad’s sweet tooth…If only I could vacation more.  It’s a nasty little habit that many of us fall in to.

The harder route, but SO much more powerful, is to find the courage to CHOOSE to take responsibility for our circumstances and then creatively work through them.  For me, it again goes back to perception, attitude, and choice: How can I perceive this situation differently?  What is this trying to teach me? How is this giving value to my life? When we can look past the painto the gain, life changes for the better. Once I deal with perception, I deal with choice.  I can either choose to go forward positively, with new found wisdom and light, or I can take with me a jaded outlook that life sucks.  And I will ALWAYS choose the positive ATTITUDE even if it takes me some time to get there.  You might say, “But Lindi, you are such a positive and hopeful person.” No, I CHOOSE to adopt a positive attitude because going forth with hope is the only way to free me from the pain of the past, and often, the present.

So as you venture into this New Year, remember that you have the power of perception, choice and attitude to help you make sense of any roadblock that pops up in your path.

Can’t wait to dance it out with you this week!

Love,

Lindi and The DMF Team

This week, I wanted to share with you my “go to” words: choice, perception, attitude. These words and how I relate to them have gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life and have also helped me find meaning and joy in the day to day grind of NYC.  If you’ve been to a class of mine recently, you’ve heard me talk about perception.  I often say to clients,  instead of thinking, “Oh my god it’s burning!”  (insert negative, death voice here), think “Oh my god it’s burning!”  (insert happy, positive, excited voice here).  I tell my clients to get excited about the burn because the more something challenges you, the more it changes you.  Now, trust me, I know this is easier said than done, especially when it comes to life outside DMF.

Life gets bumpy from time to time and many things happen that are out of our control.  BUT, what we CAN control is how we CHOOSE to react and PERCEIVE these events and our ATTITUDE going forward.  By adopting an  attitude of life is happening for us, rather than to us, we can make sense out of many tough situations.  This idea has literally SAVED me the last few years.  Any situation, relationship, event, or moment that is challenging me or causing me pain, I look at as a teacher.  I ask myself, “What am I supposed to gain and learn from this?”   This doesn’t always come naturally and I often have to force myself to do this, but I promise you it is worth a try.  It’s so much easier to fall into the  “blame game” route as I call it.  This blame and victimization route is SO prevalent in our society.  We are constantly putting our problems on someone else: If only my boss wasn’t so controlling…If only my partner cared more…If only there wasn’t so much competition in by business…f only my co-worker wasn’t such an idiot…If only I had more money… If only I lived in a better neighborhood… If only I didn’t inherit my dad’s sweet tooth…If only I got to  vacation more.  This becomes a habit–I  have to force myself out of it too–and only creates  temporary relief from a challenge.
The harder route, but SO much more powerful in the end, is to have the courage to CHOOSE to take responsibility for your circumstances and then creativity work through then.  For me, it again goes back to perception, attitude, and choice: What is this doing for me? What is this trying to teach me? How is this giving value to my life?  I’ll give you two examples in my own life, one professional and one personal.
Starting a business while working full time is a tricky task and I’ve had many days, where I just felt I couldn’t do it—I was extremely overwhelmed and exhausted, wasn’t getting half the things done I needed to get done, and I felt like a failure.  The only thing that pulled me through was asking myself what feeling like this was supposed to teach me.  When I really thought about it, it taught me to ask for more help from the amazing people in my life and to get creative in how I got things done.  It taught me I needed INTERNS—whom I’m SO thankful for! I have setbacks ALL the time, but CHOOSE to PERCEIVE them as lessons and these lessons make me work harder to find creative solutions and keep my ATTITUDE positive going forward.

As for the personal… Last year I started dating again…ugh!  After my divorce, I took a lot of time off to figure out, well, life!  I finally felt ready to date.  Honestly, it was a bit overwhelming at first with lots of highs and lows, but I kept a positive attitude.  However, after months of first and sometimes second dates, I was starting to doubt that a quality guy with my same values, zest for life, desire to change the world for the better (I know it’s cheesy but it’s a must for me:) and passions existed.  And then I met someone special.  We connected quickly on many levels—intellectual, physical, spiritual— which I always find difficult.  We could talk for hours and I felt supported and happy with another person for the first time in years. I finally had someone to motivate ME and be MY cheerleader and I felt I did the same for him.  I wanted to be a better human being because of this person.  But unfortunately, the timing and the circumstances were not ideal for him and it ended as fast as it started.  I’m not gonna lie…I was a bit heartbroken.  BUT, what that person and our time together taught me was that there ARE good guys out there.  It was almost like the universe/GOD was giving me a little taste of the amazing so I wouldn’t get discouraged by all the mediocre! Here is where choice, perception and attitude come back into play.  I CHOSE to PERCEIVE the heartbreak as a lesson, a reminder of all the good things that one day I will find in a partner.  I chose a positive ATTITUDE going forward, rather than be jaded by yet another one that didn’t work out.

So, as difficult as it is, get honest about the things that happen to you.  What are they there to teach you? Don’t blame others for the circumstances of your life–that’s the easy route. Don’t blame your significant other, parents, the government, or boss for your problems.  Be bold, be courageous, and try to perceive the situation in a new light.  Remember, life is happening for you, not to you.
I’ll leave you with two of my favorite perception and action quotes:
“One new perception, one fresh thought, one act of surrender, one change of heart, one leap of faith, can change your life forever.”– Robert Holden
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” –Wayne Dyer

Lots of Love,

Lindi


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