Join the Party and Get Happy!

This week, I wanted to share with you my “go to” words: choice, perception, attitude. These words and how I relate to them have gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life and have also helped me find meaning and joy in the day to day grind of NYC.  If you’ve been to a class of mine recently, you’ve heard me talk about perception.  I often say to clients,  instead of thinking, “Oh my god it’s burning!”  (insert negative, death voice here), think “Oh my god it’s burning!”  (insert happy, positive, excited voice here).  I tell my clients to get excited about the burn because the more something challenges you, the more it changes you.  Now, trust me, I know this is easier said than done, especially when it comes to life outside DMF.

Life gets bumpy from time to time and many things happen that are out of our control.  BUT, what we CAN control is how we CHOOSE to react and PERCEIVE these events and our ATTITUDE going forward.  By adopting an  attitude of life is happening for us, rather than to us, we can make sense out of many tough situations.  This idea has literally SAVED me the last few years.  Any situation, relationship, event, or moment that is challenging me or causing me pain, I look at as a teacher.  I ask myself, “What am I supposed to gain and learn from this?”   This doesn’t always come naturally and I often have to force myself to do this, but I promise you it is worth a try.  It’s so much easier to fall into the  “blame game” route as I call it.  This blame and victimization route is SO prevalent in our society.  We are constantly putting our problems on someone else: If only my boss wasn’t so controlling…If only my partner cared more…If only there wasn’t so much competition in by business…f only my co-worker wasn’t such an idiot…If only I had more money… If only I lived in a better neighborhood… If only I didn’t inherit my dad’s sweet tooth…If only I got to  vacation more.  This becomes a habit–I  have to force myself out of it too–and only creates  temporary relief from a challenge.
The harder route, but SO much more powerful in the end, is to have the courage to CHOOSE to take responsibility for your circumstances and then creativity work through then.  For me, it again goes back to perception, attitude, and choice: What is this doing for me? What is this trying to teach me? How is this giving value to my life?  I’ll give you two examples in my own life, one professional and one personal.
Starting a business while working full time is a tricky task and I’ve had many days, where I just felt I couldn’t do it—I was extremely overwhelmed and exhausted, wasn’t getting half the things done I needed to get done, and I felt like a failure.  The only thing that pulled me through was asking myself what feeling like this was supposed to teach me.  When I really thought about it, it taught me to ask for more help from the amazing people in my life and to get creative in how I got things done.  It taught me I needed INTERNS—whom I’m SO thankful for! I have setbacks ALL the time, but CHOOSE to PERCEIVE them as lessons and these lessons make me work harder to find creative solutions and keep my ATTITUDE positive going forward.

As for the personal… Last year I started dating again…ugh!  After my divorce, I took a lot of time off to figure out, well, life!  I finally felt ready to date.  Honestly, it was a bit overwhelming at first with lots of highs and lows, but I kept a positive attitude.  However, after months of first and sometimes second dates, I was starting to doubt that a quality guy with my same values, zest for life, desire to change the world for the better (I know it’s cheesy but it’s a must for me:) and passions existed.  And then I met someone special.  We connected quickly on many levels—intellectual, physical, spiritual— which I always find difficult.  We could talk for hours and I felt supported and happy with another person for the first time in years. I finally had someone to motivate ME and be MY cheerleader and I felt I did the same for him.  I wanted to be a better human being because of this person.  But unfortunately, the timing and the circumstances were not ideal for him and it ended as fast as it started.  I’m not gonna lie…I was a bit heartbroken.  BUT, what that person and our time together taught me was that there ARE good guys out there.  It was almost like the universe/GOD was giving me a little taste of the amazing so I wouldn’t get discouraged by all the mediocre! Here is where choice, perception and attitude come back into play.  I CHOSE to PERCEIVE the heartbreak as a lesson, a reminder of all the good things that one day I will find in a partner.  I chose a positive ATTITUDE going forward, rather than be jaded by yet another one that didn’t work out.

So, as difficult as it is, get honest about the things that happen to you.  What are they there to teach you? Don’t blame others for the circumstances of your life–that’s the easy route. Don’t blame your significant other, parents, the government, or boss for your problems.  Be bold, be courageous, and try to perceive the situation in a new light.  Remember, life is happening for you, not to you.
I’ll leave you with two of my favorite perception and action quotes:
“One new perception, one fresh thought, one act of surrender, one change of heart, one leap of faith, can change your life forever.”– Robert Holden
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” –Wayne Dyer

Lots of Love,

Lindi

I had one of those days today. You know, those days when getting out of bed seems like the hardest thing in the world to do; those days when all you want to do is sleep and pretend you DON’T have a mile long to do list;  those days when no matter how hard you try, you just can’t motivate yourself in any way, shape, or form.

Why am I telling you this?  Because we ALL have these “funk” days as I call them, and rather than fight it, I’m surrendering to the funk and sharing with you some of my favorite quotes and tips for getting out of it!   Obviously, busting a move is my favorite way to break out of a funk, but sometimes it takes a bit more than dancing!  Take what you want from below, leave what you don’t, and have a GREAT day!

1.)    Acknowledge the funk.  Don’t try to mask it by distraction or destructive behavior like binging (always my go to), being unkind, lashing out at coworkers etc. Also, accept that it is OK to not feel 100% all of the time.   If you’re like me, when you feel unmotivated and unproductive it irks the sh#$%t out of you and you feel lazy.  But if we can acknowledge that we are only human and we might not always have a stellar day, we are much more likely to “deal” with it appropriately:)

2.)    Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with someone you trust. George Eliot once said, “What are we here for if not to make life less difficult for each other.”  Yes!  I told a dear friend how I was feeling today and  just receiving a hug from her and having her tell me it was “OK” seemed to lighten me up.  I hope DMF can be a place you feel safe enough to acknowledge that maybe you didn’t have such a good day.  Once you acknowledge it, we can help make it better!

3.)    Turn on some great music and MOVE.  Sometimes an awesome song is the only thing that gets me out of bed!  And PLEASE don’t turn on something that is going dig you deeper into a hole, like some sad Adele song or some depressing ballad.  Pick something that has the mood that you want to be in.  I have a whole playlist of “pick me up and lift me up songs!” Getting your body moving and those endorphins pumping is a sure fire way to lift you up.

4.)    Read something that inspires you.  I have a lists of authors and leaders that I pull excerpts from that I know will help me see things differently or spark a light inside of me when I’m feeling down.  Which leads me to my favorite quotes for when I’m  in a funk:

“Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.” -Charlie Chaplin.  So true and something I come back to often in life AND in my teaching.   Emotions are temporary (like the burn we feel when working out!) and we must remember that feeling and dealing with them only makes us stronger (yes, I just quoted Kelly Clarkson).

“The only way out is through.” -Robert Frost.  This goes back to acknowledging how you really feel.  Feel it, cry it out if necessary, and don’t deny it.  Once you feel it, you can move forward!  If we suppress those negative feelings and mask them by turning to food, alcohol, and other destructive behaviors, they inevitably come bubbling back up to the surface, often with a vengeance.  Today, I came home had a good cry, took a nap, talked to Winnie (my fur therapist) and decided to just sit with the feelings even though it was uncomfortable.  Just sitting with them helped me figure out why I was feeling that way in the first place.

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” – Mother Teresa.  You may ask, “How does this quote get me out of my funk?”  Well, it’s been proven that when we do positive things for others and put our focus on their needs, we inevitably feel better.  When I started teaching today and focused on what can I give to my clients that will make their day better, lift them up, and provide motivation for their of their week, I immediately felt better.  So do something kind for a friend, coworker or stranger and spread a little love.  You might be surprised how good it feels.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” –Melody Beattie.  This is one of my all-time FAVORITE quotes. I practice gratitude every day but when I’m in a funk, I go on gratitude overload! This gratitude overload forces me to acknowledge all the GOOD things in my life rather than just focus on the negative state I’m in at the moment.

I leave you with my favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quote, “With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” Remember, tomorrow is a new day, fresh start and a clean slate.  DMF is always here for you and we are a GREAT way to get out of a funk:)


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